Beloved Younger Brother,
Greetings to Respectful Parents. I am hoping all is well with health and wealth. I am fine at my end. Hoping your end is fine too. With God's grace and Parents' blessings I am arriving safely in America and finding good apartment near University. Kindly assure Mother that I am strictly consuming vegetarian food only in restaurants though I am not knowing if cooks are Brahmins. I am also constantly remembering Dr Verma's advice and strictly avoiding American women and other unhealthy habits. I hope Parents' prayers are residing with me.
Younger Brother, I am having so many things to tell you I am not knowing where to start. Most surprising thing about America is it is full of Americans. Everywhere Americans, Americans, it is little frightening. The flight from New Delhi to New York is arriving safely thanks to God's grace and Parents' prayers and mine too. I am not able to go to bathroom whole time because I am sitting in corner seat as per Revered Grandmother's wish. (Father is rightly scolding that airplane is flying too high to have good view. Still please tell her I have done needful.
But, brother, in next two seats are sitting two old gentle ladies and if I am getting up then they are put in lot of botheration so I am not getting up for bathroom except when plane is stopping for one hour at London. Many foods are being served in carts but I am only eating cashewnuts and bread because I am not knowing what is food and what is meat. I am having good time drinking 37 glasses of Coca-Cola.
They are rolling down a screen and showing film but I am not listening because air hostess ladies are selling head phones for 2 dollars which is ₹26 and in our beloved Jajau town we can sit in balcony seats in Regal Talkies for only ₹3. I am asking lady if they are giving student discount but she is too busy. I am also asking her for more Coca-Cola but she is looking like she is weeping and walking away. I think perhaps she is not understanding proper English.
Then I am sleeping long time after London and when I am waking it is like we are flying over sea of lights. Everywhere, brother, as far as I am seeing there are lights, lights. It is like God has made carpet of lights. Then we are landing in New York and plane is going right up to door so that we are not having to walk in cold. I must say Americans are very advanced. And as I am leaving airplane, air hostess is giving me one more can of Coca-Cola. Her two friends are also with her but why they are laughing so much I do not know. I think these Americans are strange but friendly people in their hearts. I hope she was not laughing for racial. Perhaps she was feeling shy earlier.
Then I am going to long bathroom. As I am leaving I am making first friend in America. This is n. [taboo word; N. word] gentleman named Joe who is standing at door and as I am opening it he is holding out hand so I am shaking it and telling him my name and he is telling me his. I am telling him if he is ever coming to Jajau he can ask for National Hair Oil Factory. If I have not returned from Higher Studies please tell Father that if n. gentleman named Joe is visiting Jajau he may kindly do needful.
In this way I feel each and every one of us is serving as ambassador of our beloved motherland. Joe is doubtful I feel because he says 'Far out, man, far out,' but I am reassuring him that India is only 16 hours away by plane and that is not very far. I think he is accepting this because he is not saying anything any more.
Next I go to place marked 'Baggage' as Father has advised and suddenly place I am sitting starts to move throwing me. It is like python we once saw in forest, only rattling and with luggage bouncing on its back and sometimes leaping to attack passengers. I am also throwing myself on bag before it is escaping. I think if I am not wrestling it down it would revert to plane and back home to India. I am only joking of course.
Before this I am meeting very friendly gentleman at Immigration desk. I do not know why all relatives had warned against this man, because he is so friendly. He is talking English strangely but is having kind heart because he is asking me about nuts and I am saying that I am liking very much and eating many on plane. 'Totally, totally nuts,' he is saying, which is I feeling American expression for someone fond of cashewnuts.
Before this he is showing friendliness by asking, 'How is it going?' I am telling him fully and frankly about all problems and hopes, even though you may feel that as American he may be too selfish to bother about decline in price of hair oil in Jajau town. But, brother, he is listening very quietly with eyes on me for ten minutes and then we are having friendly talk about nuts and he is wanting me to go.
At Customs, brother, I am getting big shock. One fat man is grunting at me and looking cleverly from small eyes. 'First visit?' he is asking. 'Yes,' I am agreeing. 'Move on,' he is saying making chalk marks on bags. As I am picking up bags he is looking directly at me and saying, 'Watch your ass.'
Now, brother, this is wonderful. How he is knowing we are purchasing donkey? I think they are knowing everything about everybody who is coming to America. They are not allowing anybody without knowing his family and financial status and other things. And we are only buying donkey two days before my departure. I think they are keeping all information in computers. Really these Americans are too advanced.
But, brother, now I am worrying. Supposing this is CIA keeping watch or else how they can know about our donkey? Anyway please do not tell Mother and Father or they are worrying, but lock all doors and windows. If CIA wants to recruit me to be spy in Jajau, I will gladly take poison before betraying our motherland.
Your brother,
Gopal
(Excerpts from Anurag Mathur: "THE INSCRUTABLE AMERICANS", Rupa, Rs. 195.)
Kishalay Sinha [G]
Novelist Anurag Mathur
I have just received from Amazon two novels I had ordered online only a few days ago: "THE COUNTRY IS GOING TO THE DOGS" (RUPA) and "MAKING THE MINISTER SMILE" (PENGUIN BOOKS) by humorist Anurag Mathur, whose bestselling first novel "THE INSCRUTABLE AMERICANS" I enjoyed reading very much, many years ago. I was pleasantly surprised to learn from the author's dedication to "THE COUNTRY IS GOING TO THE DOGS" - 'This book is dedicated to my late uncle, Lt General V.K. Sood, former vice chief of the Indian Army, who died as bravely as he had always lived.' - that Anurag Mathur is a nephew of a former Vice Chief of the Indian Army. (I regret that I was unaware till today that "THE COUNTRY IS GOING TO THE DOGS" was first published in 2014, and that "MAKING THE MINISTER SMILE" was published even earlier, in 2002. Anyway, as the saying goes, "Better late than never.")
Kishalay Sinha [G] - October 2, 2017
उफ़फ़! ये अमरीकी (Penguin Books)
I received this afternoon from Amazon [to be more precise, My धरमपत्नी, or, to use the standard spelling, My धर्मपत्नी received on My behalf coz I was having a relaxing nap] a copy of "उफ़फ़! ये अमरीकी" (यात्रा बुक्स/पेंगुइन बुक्स), the Hindi translation of Anurag Mathur's entertaining novel "THE INSCRUTABLE AMERICANS" - translated into Hindi by शिवानी खरे, published in 2010, with a foreword in Hindi written in November 2009 by Professor Harish Trivedi of the Department of English at Delhi University. (Many publishers seem very fond of world-famous physicist Albert Einstein's special theory of relativity in regard to the relativity of time in particular.) A skilled translator successfully conveys the meaning and flavour/flavor of the original text. A brief sample:
हमरे प्यारे छोटू,
मां-पिताजी को पाय लागूं ৷ आसा करता हूं कि वहां सभी राजी-खुसी से होंगे ৷ हम भी यहां राजी-खुसी से हूं ৷ हमका पूरी आसा है कि तुम भी भली प्रकार होगे ৷ ऊपरवाले की मेहरबानी और मां-पिताजी के आसीर्बाद से हम अमरीका सकुसल पहुंच गया हूं और यूनीबर्सिटी के पास ही एक अच्छा सा धर भी पा लिया हूं ৷ मां को जरूर बिस्बास दिला देना कि हम होटल में साकाहारी भोजन ही खा रहा हूं ৷ वैसे हम नहीं जानता हूं कि वहां का रसोइया ब्राह्मण है या नहीं ! हम डाकदर बर्मा की सलाह बराबर याद रखता हूं और अमरीकी लड़कियों और दूसरी बुरी लतों [?] से दूर ही रहता हूं ৷ हमका पूरी उम्मीद है कि मां-पिताजी की प्रार्थनीएं यहां हमरे साथ बनी हुई हैं ৷
From the foreword by Professor Harish Trivedi:
दो शब्द
अमेरिका के बारे में हर व्यक्ति की अपनी निश्चित धारणा है - जो वहां गया है उसकी भी और जो नहीं गया है उसकी शायद और भी ৷ इस हास्य-विनोद से छलकता [overflowing with humour/humor] उपन्यास में एक युवा भारतीय छात्र द्वारा एक छोटे से अमेरिकी विश्वविद्यालय में बिताए एक वर्ष के अनुभवों का वर्णन है, जिसे संक्षेप में कहा जा सकता है - "अमेरिका - एक व्यक्तिगत खोज ৷"
गोपाल नामक यह नायक अमेरिकी समाज व सभ्यता के अनेकानेक पहलुओं का न केवल आविष्कार व अनुभव करता है बल्कि उनसे भरपूर टकराता व जूझता भी है ৷ जब वह वहां पहुंचता है तो उसको बस इतना पता है कि सभी अमेरिकी सारे वक़्त सेक्स के पीछे पागल रहते हैं [which is true - G] ৷ यह बात गलत है [?] पर उन अनेक बातों से ज़्यादा ग़लत नहीं है जो इस उपन्यास में कई अमेरिकी पात्र [? characters in the novel?] भारत के बारे में जगह-जगह सोचते-कहते रहते हैं ৷
यह उपन्यास 'द इंस्क्रूटेबुल अमेरिकंस' नाम से 1991 में अंग्रेज़ी में छपा था और तब से इसके 40 से भी अधिक संस्करण छप चुके हैं ৷ अब हिंदी में इस बेहद लोकप्रिय पुस्तक का पुनर्जन्म [!!!] हो रहा है तो मैं क़बूल ही दूं कि मेरा इस उपन्यास से जन्म-जन्मांतर [!!!] का संबंध है ৷ क़रीब बीस साल पहले जब लेखक अनुराग माथुर ने इसकी पांडुलिपि प्रकाशक रूपा एंड कंपनी को भेजी थी [अनुराग माथुर ... भेजी थी? ... पांडुलिपि is feminine, that's why?... I confess I am not very proficient in Hindi grammar] तो प्रकाशक ने मुझसे पूछा कि यह उपन्यास छापने लायक़ है कि नहीं ৷ अपनी रिपोर्ट में मैंने तब लिखा था कि जब इस पुस्तक की पांच हज़ार प्रतियां [5000 copies] बिक जाएं (जो तब किसी भारतीय-अंग्रेज़ी उपन्यास के लिए बड़ी भारी संख्या थी और शायद अब भी है) तो मुझे एक बार फिर याद कीजिएगा ! ... अब यह उपन्यास हिंदी में छप रहा है, जोकि इसके सरल नायक की सहज मातृभाषा है, तो आशा है कि गोपाल जैसे ही [!] अधिक से अधिक पाठक इसे पढ़ेंगे और इसके माध्यम से अमेरिका जैसे देश और गोपाल जैसे चरित्र [!!], दोनों का ही साथ-साथ मजा़ ले पाएंगे ।
- हरीश त्रिवेदी
प्रोफ़ेसर, अंग्रेज़ी विभाग
दिल्ली विश्वविद्यालय
नवंबर, 2009
Kishalay Sinha किशलय सिन्हा जी [G/भ/आ] - October 3, 2017
